How to Develop a Stronger Identity and Believe in Yourself ?


Developing a stronger identity, believing in yourself, and forgiving yourself of all the mistakes is not an easy task.

Especially, considering how social media and the competitive society makes us feel, believing in one’s abilities with no success in sight is certainly difficult. But not when you know the exact steps to make this job easier. That’s what we will be discussing today.

6 Steps to Believing in Yourself and Killing Self-doubt

  1. Recall past achievements with the David Goggins method:

Belief in yourself is a weapon you must have for all those times you are about to give up on your dreams because of a setback or an obstacle. For those kinds of situations, you need to have a cookie jar.

The Cookie Jar method is one of David Goggins’ secrets for all the success he has had. In case you don’t know, David Goggins is an american runner, former member of the US Navy, an author and motivational speaker and is famous as one of the toughest men alive.

He says the cookie jar is a place in his mind where he keeps a memory of all the good and bad things in life. Whenever he needs some strength, he picks up a memory (read cookie) from the ‘bad’ collection. He recalls how he overcame a setback in the past, and reminds himself that he can do it again and jumps on his task to find success.

You can create a physical cookie jar if you want. Make small notes of all your achievements in the past. Each of them might have brought you face to face with an obstacle. So make a note of that as well. Keep all these notes folded in a jar. Whenever you feel low, just pick one of these cookies and chew (read) them to get the motivation you need.

  1. Stop trying to please everyone.

We are sure this is not the first time you are pondering over this. You gotta stop trying to please everyone. Because the matter of fact is – you cannot ever please everyone.

People always have different approaches to life, different perceptions and opinions. Plus, there will always be one person you won’t be able to please –  and that’s yourself. The problem is that this is the most important person of your life.

So, you got to start saying no to people more. You got to focus on pleasing yourself and then your family before anybody else. Otherwise the result may be less confidence, more resentment, less good friends and more negative vibes in your life.

  1. Find yourself..

Your belief in yourself and confidence depends a lot on knowing yourself. It’s not worth it trying to become someone who wakes up at 5 am everyday when you are more creative at night. It is not great to focus on learning a new skill, when you have better managing skills and can get other people to do the work for you.

It’s not great to sprint when you are more of a marathoner. So, try to find yourself first. Give yourself time to think through who you really are. You can try journaling for this activity.

One of the best ways to journal is through morning pages. Just write for half an hour without thinking much. Let yourself out and read these later. You might get to know certain things about yourself you never even imagined.

It’s even better to get therapy. Impartial help from a therapist will help you catch the negative cycles in your head, helping you get a sense of clarity about yourself.


  1. Stop running from your fears – face them.

If you want to reach your goals and fulfill your dreams, there may come many occasions where you will have to face your fears. But running from them and compromising on your dreams is not the way to go.

Whatever it is, face your fear. Yes, you might suck at it. But the happiness of working towards your dreams in spite of the fear is way too much than sucking for a few moments. Infact, add to this happiness, the feeling of having faced your fear – it will bring you unmatched positivity with a stronger sense of identity.

  1. Be you…

Yes, this is a cliche. But hey it’s a cliche because it’s so true.

The worst thing you can do to yourself is to try to be like someone else. Having an idol and choosing a path someone else is on, is totally cool. But replicating someone else’s personality and decisions will take away your own spark.

Trying to learn some other skills and habits that don’t come naturally to you, is only going to take away the time and energy you would spend to take your strengths to the next level.

If it’s criticism or lack of clarity in any way that is encouraging you to copy others in any way, stop getting influenced by that. Because no matter what you do, you will have to face obstacles. But isn’t it better to face them while being yourself effortlessly than while putting all efforts into being someone you are not?

  1. Practice positive self-talk  :

You can block the toxic people in life and stop hanging out with them when you decide to, if they dont treat you right and talk badly with you. But there is no way you can stop hanging out with yourself. There’s no way you can block the voice in your head. You have to listen to it no matter what.

But if you don’t let others treat you badly, why let yourself do the same? Stop doubting yourself and practice positive self talk. Even if you think you cannot achieve your goals, find the one way through which you can, and remind yourself of it.

Try affirmations. For example, if you are overweight. Start telling yourself that you are a health freak. Maybe you are not, but telling this to yourself will make it stick in your head. And when you are about to pick a burger, your voice will make you choose not to eat that burger. After all, health freaks don’t eat unhealthy junk food.

You can apply this same technique to any aspect of your life. Whenever you catch yourself saying wrong, self-doubting things to yourself or maybe things like ‘I don’t deserve this’, replace that with positive self-talk. It is bound to help you get rid of self esteem issues.

With that, it’s a wrap to the list of 6 things you must try in order to develop a stronger sense of identity and confidence. Here are three bonus tips. Try learning a skill you always wanted. Get inspired. And keep going on this path to a stronger self-belief.

Ready for boosting your confidence? Which one tip are you going to act on right now?


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